Autism and Asperger's Syndrome: He is NOT sick.

For as long as I can remember, people have been telling me that there is something tremendously special about my little boy, Kelson. There is something about him that I (and many others) have never seen in another human being before. I have been stopped in parks, grocery stores, and doctors offices by complete strangers telling me that my boy is special. He has always been a daycare favorite. His seemingly magical spirit has brought joy to so many hearts.

Kelson is, without a doubt, the strongest human being I have ever encountered in my nearly 24 years of life. He came into this world with the odds against him; being the child of an unprepared, uneducated, emotionally immature, and terrified unwed teenage mother. His biological father was not around. As if that were not enough, he was also born with gestational cataracts and endured complete blindness by the age of one. In his second year of life he courageously went through 7 different surgeries to remove the cataracts and place implant lenses in his tiny eyes. He never complained. He sat through the grueling and painful process of administering medications into his already hurting eyes. Later he was the most affected, innocent victim of his mother and step-father’s toxic marriage and bitter divorce. He had his seemingly stable life ripped out from under him. Through all of these trials; this sweet, brilliant, compassionate little being was the sole source of strength for his mother and the only reason she is still here, surviving today.

For years Kelson has held me together through trials I honestly didn’t think I’d survive with his obsessive schedules and premature sense of responsibility. He has taught me a sense of patience and compassion that I never could have comprehended had he not been my angel. Kelson has always been different. He has always been special. He is eccentric. He is artistic. He is beyond a perfectionist. He is precise and exact in all of his words and actions.

Friday morning I had a discussion with Kelson’s preschool teacher about a tantrum he threw in class on Wednesday. She mentioned that he shows several different symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome and she suggested that I have him tested at the county preschool. All I could do was nod my head. This didn’t come as a surprise to me. This term has been used to describe my little boy before and I guess I knew this day was coming. I can’t escape it.

I kept quiet about this conversation. Maybe I worried that if I said it out loud, it would be true. I worried that others would feel pity for my situation and wonder how I was going to take care of a “sick” child, when in fact, this child has been taking care of me for years. I spent the weekend silently wondering why my heart was hurting and why my soul felt lost. For 3 years I have known that if given the opportunity, he would be diagnosed and labeled as a child “suffering” from Asperger’s Syndrome. Perhaps I’ve felt ashamed, like maybe I failed him. This morning I stood in the shower and cried for a half an hour because my fears for his future have become too much for me to bare. Once I pulled myself together, the first thing I witnessed was Kelson trying to help his little sister do her hair like Tinkerbelle. He kissed her on the forehead and said,

“You are more beautiful than Tinkerbelle.”

I grabbed them both and felt an unexplainable warmth take over my sad, lost heart. This was when I decided that I would write this. I will not be scared of Asperger’s Syndrome because NOTHING has ever made this beautiful child waiver from the miraculous strength within him.

There is nothing wrong with Kelson. Kelson is not suffering from anything. He is not sick. I am ashamed that I ever thought that maybe he was. He is a special kind of witty genius and is destined for greatness. He is different and I wouldn’t be who I am if he were just an ordinary kid. I wouldn’t change a thing about him. This baby was my miracle 5 years ago. So we will face and embrace his differences head on and I will do whatever it takes to make sure he succeeds because a mind like his would be a terrible shame to waste.