Life moves far too quickly for my
taste. The days just zip by, and even when the nights seem to drag on, time is
always ticking away and the tiny moments we can never get back are constantly
passing us by. My body has been tired lately, as I have been making my way
through the second trimester of my third pregnancy, and my mind has had its way
of distracting itself with the little, insignificant stresses of life. I guess
that somewhere in the midst of laundry, dishes, dinner, and bath time the last
few months I have lost my way.
Strange
though, isn’t it? The way that something so small, as simple as a back yard
game of baseball, can remind us how far we’ve strayed from our paths. This
afternoon the kids were playing out in the yard and while I was mixing together
some potato salad to go with dinner I was startled by a ground shaking “smack”
against my sliding glass door. As soon as I realized that the sound was
probably a rock, in utter frustration, I immediately started screaming at the
kids to come inside. Of course, they didn’t listen. They were far too busy with
their game. I walked outside to see my little 3 year old daughter tossing a
baseball in the direction of her bat-wielding big brother. He had his notorious naughty smirk on his face
and I could tell that he was fighting back laughter.
He stared
at me glaring at him for a minute to see what I was going to do and eventually
dropped his bat and yelled,
“KAYLEE HIT THE WINDOW WITH THE
BALL!”
It was my instinct to yell and then
punish, but instead I sat down and just let myself laugh and laugh. The two of
them are the strongest team that I have ever come across. Their endless mischievous
ventures are enough to make any mom pull her hair out from time to time but
today this bond has got me thinking. How blessed are these babies to always
have their best friend by their side? I can’t help but wonder when I forgot how
blessed I was to have them by my side. I have taken the little moments for
granted and somewhere, along the way, I have forgotten what makes life so
incredibly beautiful.
I spent an hour outside picking
freshly bloomed flowers off our tree and watching as Kelson and Kaylee shared
their sweet, innocent, and loving friendship. As I sit here smelling the sweet
flowers that we carried inside and placed in an old Spiderman cup, I am
reminded that I can never get that moment back and if I had stayed inside to
finish the chores, I would have missed it completely.
I still find Asperger’s Syndrome
and Autism difficult topics to discuss but I have wasted too much time with
hurt feelings and too much energy feeling defensive of my son and his
differences from the rest of the world. I have to allow myself to open back up,
even if it means a messy house and letting go of hurt feelings, because never
again will I get to experience this day with these absolutely miraculous little
souls.
Now, I imagine they are up to some
kind of mischief so I had better go see but I will be back to writing about our
journey with Aspergers soon because I am not ashamed of the miracle that my
baby is.
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